Respect ! How to Honor and Respect Your Husband.
(Ephesians 5:22-24) ,(Ephesians 5:33) , (Proverbs 31:26).

Though a wife might believe she has good intentions in mind, if a husband feels she is being disrespectful, that creates a big problem for two reasons. First, a husband craves his wife’s respect. Second, Scripture not only commands that a wife submit to her husband, it urges her to respect him as well.

Men and women are completely equal in a marriage, but God created us with different sets of needs. He designed marriage to allow a husband and wife to meet each others’ needs.

The number-one need for men is honor and respect. Men cannot meet that need themselves.

In Ephesians 5:33, Paul writes, “let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” In addition to his command toward men, Paul says a wife should respect her husband.

In Ephesians 5:25-32, the apostle Paul described in detail what it means for a husband to love his wife as himself, as discussed in the previous chapter. One might then expect the passage to end with parallel instructions to the wife: “Let each one of you in particular love his own wife as himself, and let the wife love her own husband as herself.”

Instead, Paul commanded wives to respect their husbands: “Let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

Notice what he doesn’t say. He doesn’t say, “Respect your husband the way you see it on television.” He doesn’t say, “Respect your husband the same way your friends respect their husbands.” He doesn’t even say, “Respect your husband like your mother respected your father.”

He doesn’t qualify it at all. Respect your husband, period. That’s the standard the Bible gives to women.

Why the difference? First, this does not mean that men don’t want to be loved. When we discussed phileo earlier, we reviewed this command in Titus 2:3-4: “Older women…admonish the young women to love their husbands.” Ephesians 5:33 also doesn’t say that wives don’t want to be respected.

First Peter 3:7 says, “Husbands, likewise, dwell with [your wives] with understanding, giving honor to [them].” Honor is synonymous with respect. In fact, the NIV Bible translates 1 Peter 3:7 as saying “treat them with respect.” Thus, it is important for wives to be respected, and it is important for husbands to be loved.

But of the two—love and respect—respect is more important to husbands, and love is more important to wives:

Husbands want to be loved, but they want to be respected even more.

Wives want to be respected, but they want to be loved even more.

One thing I know is that men gravitate to the place where they receive honor and respect. If he can only get it from work, he’ll pour himself into his job. If he doesn’t get respect from his wife but does receive it from another woman, where do you think the man will turn his attention?

Here are four practical ways women can honor their husbands:

1. Allow him to fail. Here’s a truth that may shock some people, but men are imperfect. They make mistakes. A lot of women damage their marriage relationship by trying to prevent their husband from making those mistakes. So they correct their husband or tell him what to do. That’s not the wife’s role.

A better approach is to allow him to learn through failure. Let him make a wrong turn. Let him mess up from time to time. Don’t allow him to wallow in self-destructive behavior, but let him be imperfect.

2. Let God be the enforcer. Wives, it’s okay to speak up when your husband does or says something you disagree with. After all, you’re equals. But once you say what you want to say, remember it’s not your job to change him. That’s God’s job. Pray for your husband and rely on God to change his heart and mind.

3. Men go crazy for honor and will become their fullest, healthiest selves in an atmosphere of respect.
What do you see in your husband? What first attracted you to him? Honor him at that level, and watch him rise to it.

4. Cover his faults and focus on his strengths. The devil wants us to be overly attentive to our spouse’s worst qualities. But God wants us to think about the best qualities in our spouse. I believe, on any given day, the good elements of our lives and relationships outweigh the bad ones.

Women, are you more likely to complain about your husband’s failings or praise him for one of his strengths? Marriage thrives in an atmosphere of praise. It’s a critical discipline to create within your home.

A man’s most important need is for honor and respect. Wives, are you honoring him? According to Ephesians 5:33, it’s one of the things God asks you to do for your marriage.

Consider how most wives covet their husbands’ expressions of love, such as cards, phone calls, e-mails, or flowers. Though husbands might appreciate such gestures, what they desire more is their wives’ respect. I don’t need my wife to buy me flowers, call me during the day and tell me she loves me, or write me poetry. I might appreciate these things, but what I need is her respect.

In truth, it’s much easier for a wife to say she loves her husband than to show it through respect. But it is through respect that a wife expresses her love for her husband—the very fact Scripture calls a wife to respect her husband confirms this. If a wife doesn’t show respect, her husband won’t feel loved. A good perspective for couples to keep in mind is that feeling unloved is as painful to a wife as feeling disrespected is to a husband.

How does a wife convey respect to her husband?

A wife respects her husband by admiring him, looking up to him, and holding him in high regard. In the Amplified Bible, Ephesians 5:33 reads, “Let the wife see that she respects and reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].”

Proverbs 31:11 says of the virtuous wife, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her.” A husband feels respected when he can trust his wife. When he is away, she acts in a manner that would please him just as though he were present. He’s sure that she won’t hide anything from him. Conversely, when a wife is untrustworthy, she communicates that she doesn’t respect her husband’s headship.

A wife respects her husband by protecting his name and reputation. She doesn’t slander him or complain about him behind his back. With the prevalence of social media, a wife’s criticism of her husband can be more damaging than when she gossips to her friends. With a single click, hundreds of people can become aware of the wife’s accusations against her husband.

Proverbs 31:23 says of the virtuous wife, “Her husband is [respected] in the gates, when he sits among the elders of the land.” Why is there a verse praising a husband in a passage that is all about a virtuous woman? How is his position a credit to her? This husband would not be respected and sitting among the elders if his wife’s behavior caused others to lose respect for him.

There are husbands who find it challenging to achieve respect in their circles because their wives slander and diminish them and damage their reputation behind their backs.

A wife respects her husband by expressing appreciation for how hard he works to care for his family and by considering the sacrifices he makes to be a good father and husband. Few attitudes communicate respect more than thankfulness, and few attitudes communicate disrespect more than ingratitude.

When a wife routinely expresses frustration with her life, home, family, or possessions, inevitably she will end up disrespecting her husband. A discontented wife makes her husband feel like a failure because he is the one—at least in her eyes—who is not providing well enough to keep her content.

A wife disrespects her husband when she.

Talks down to him or treats him like a little boy who is in trouble
interrupts or talks over him.

Rolls her eyes, huffs and puffs, or wags her finger at him.

Even worse is when such disparaging speech and actions extend to others, such as telling friends “a funny story” about a husband’s inability to do something or how many times it took him to fix something.

Conversely, no matter how much a wife might profess her love, certain attitudes communicate disrespect to her husband.