Love And Lies Do Not Mix - Is Lying Part of Loving?

You've probably heard the saying "a little white lie never hurt anyone." That statement itself is a lie. It's also a dangerous belief to have when it comes to love. If someone believes this statement, there is a good chance that they are currently lying. Why else would they want to believe that it's ok? Even small white lies can ruin a relationship. And yet many couples are living with very serious lies between them.

Why People Lie In Relationships.

When you think of someone lying to you, you mostly likely are going to think they are doing it either to hurt you or to be mean. But, in reality, some people are lying because they are too afraid. They don't want to face the consequences of an action that they either took or did not take.

When it comes to love and lies it's usually that people don't want to lose what they have. They may have done or said something that will make the other person mad or hurt. They might not want the other to experience that pain, or selfishly they may not want to experience it themselves. It seems easier at the time to just lie instead of suffering the natural consequence that they have coming to them.

Lying In Relationships Is More Common Than You May Think

You probably don't want to hear this, but lying is more common than you think. In fact, many people don't even count some of their lies as lies. They come up with different things to call it, like stretching the truth, to make it sound better. But they are still lying.

You get the point. Lots of "little" lies are told on a regular basis in relationships. Some of these are told to try to spare the feelings of the other person, and some are told just to make life a little easier on themselves. These little lies can eventually cause a problem, but big lies can cause an even greater issue.

Why Love And Lies Cannot Co-Exist Successfully.

Love is built on trust, plain and simple. If you are in a love relationship, it is because you trust the other person. You cannot have a healthy relationship with someone if you do not trust them. You will always be suspicious and believing that you are being lied to, and it will drive a wedge in between you. Lying to your significant other can lead to the following:

You Begin To Pull Away

The odd thing is that if you are the one that is getting away with lying, you also become the one that starts to pull away more. You know that there are things you are hiding from the person that you supposedly love. When you hide things, you begin to realize that the person does not know you. Part of having a loving relationship is being understood and loved for who you are. But if you are lying and you know that the other person no longer knows you, then you are going to withdraw even further from the relationship.

The Big Lies That Are Told

Many big lies are told in love relationships. These could be lying about the number of people that you have had sex with or lying about your faithfulness. People lie about where they are, where they weren't, who they talked to, what their past was like, or what they want in the future. Some lie and say that they are in love with the other when they know that they are not. These bigger lies are not told to protect the person that they are told to, but the person who is lying is doing it to protect themselves. Lying is selfish.

You Feel Guilty And Ashamed.

Some people know that they are doing wrong when they lie. They don't even attempt to justify it because they just know that the behavior was wrong. When this happens, if you continue to hide the lie, you will begin to live in guilt and shame. This will cause you to withdraw from the relationship for several reasons. First, you feel so bad about what you are doing that it's hard to face the other person. Secondly, you are ashamed and afraid of being caught in your life. You don't want to ruin the relationship because you understand the gravity of what you have done.

You Start To Trust The Other Person Less.

When you know that you are lying to the other person and they don't realize it, you subconsciously realize how easy it is to get away with a lie. That causes you to start thinking that they are lying to you as well. So, even though they have given you no reason to believe that they are lying to you, you still start to believe that they are. You project your actions on them. This can make you jealous more often, overreact to harmless situations, and allow your anger and doubt to cause constant arguments.

When you begin to do this, your significant other is going to be extremely confused. They won't understand why you are questioning them so much and behaving the way you are. But you still won't believe them.

You Are Caught In Your Lies.

You may feel that the lies you are telling aren't that big of a deal, but your partner will not feel the same way when they find out about it. No matter how much you think you are going to be able to get away with, lies always end up surfacing.

Can Relationships Recover From Lies?

Love and lies do not mix, but that does not mean that dishonesty can't be recovered from. It is possible for a relationship to be restored, but it is not an easy or a fast process. The level of difficulty that it will take to correct the situation depends largely on the extent of the lies that have been told. The consequences and recovery of lying about being unfaithful are going to be far different than lying about whether dinner tasted good or not.

If you have been lying in your relationship and are ready to stop your wrong behavior here's what you need to do.

Come Clean.

Many people want to skip this step. They want to stop telling future lies and start behaving better without having to come clean on the lies that they have told in the past. However, if you don't admit them to your partner, your relationship will continue to feel like there is something between you, and that's a reason love and lies don't exist with each other.